House Party of Doom - Ch. 2

Summary: Zim’s Computer and Dib work together to get Zim out of town for the weekend, hoping for a bit of time for themselves. But things might not go as planned when Keef, Tak and the Swollen Eyeballs are added to the mix. Dib and Computer friendship, some romance but not between those two.

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Chapter Two
In Person

I ran out of EARL's house---well, out of EARL, I guess, but that was a kind of creepy way to think of it---and across Zim's yard, grinning to myself as the gnomes remained limp and impassive, deactivated for my convenience. One of the many benefits of my new arrangement...

I ran down the cul-de-sac and turned left, glancing down at my watch as I ran. "Crud! Only ten minutes, and they're gonna kill me if I'm late again!" I put my arm away, spinning around another corner. "But that's okay. That's plenty of time to get home, as long as I don't run into any interrupt---"

"Agh!"

I fell back, lower spine slamming painfully against the sidewalk. "Agh!" said the figure I had run into snarling as he climbed to his own feet. "What the hell---ah! Well if it isn't little Dib!"

"Huh?"

I looked up---then instantly grimaced. "Ugh. Stu."

The smug face faltered for a moment, then twisted into its own snarl. "That's Agent Stoker, twerp." Then he grinned again, reaching towards me. "Need a hand?"

I scowled and slapped his hand away; I'd have trusted a birthday gift from Zim before I trusted Stu to actually be helpful. I climbed shakily to my feet and took a moment to dust off my coat and straighten my glasses. Stu watched me, a tiny little smirk on his face.

Stu. One of my fellow Junior Swollen Eyeball Agents, the only other Eyeball regularly stationed in the city, and, aside from Zim, probably one of the biggest jerks I had ever met in my life. Since the day we'd met he'd done nothing but made fun of me, steal my leads and then lie to the Senior Agents about it. And, just because he managed to have a little better luck than I did with his cases, he always liked to pretend I was some sort of five-year-old idiot.

I glared at him as he watched me straighten my crooked hair, smirking. "What are you doing here anyway, Stu? I was actually having a good day until a second ago."

"What? Not happy to run into a fellow Agent, Dibbers?"

"Well, every time I run into you, you wind up stealing whatever case I'm working on! And that's Agent Mothman, Stu!"

"That's Agent Stoker, Dib!"

The two of us glared at each other for a long moment; unfortunately I had to glare up to accomplish this, since Stu was three years older and more than a foot taller than me. Man that extra foot annoyed me. Well, everything about him annoyed me, really: his stupid spiked hair, his smarmy little grin, his triumphant dark eyes...and that little beard. That was more annoying than everything else combined; it wasn't even really a beard, it was this little...soul-patch thing, growing right below his bottom lip in this one little annoying tuft. And he was stroking it, stroking it like some sort of---stupid movie villain would stroke an actual beard, right there as he glared at me with that smirky little smirk that just made me want to just---

"BOO!"

"GAH!"

I jumped; Stu leaned back and snickered, still stroking the tuft of hair. I felt my face begin to burn. "Ah, don't worry, little Dib," Stu mocked. "I'm not here to steal whatever little assignment you're working on this week. What would that be, anyway? Another squirrel you found rummaging through your trash?"

"First of all, that was a chupacabra and you know it! And secondly, I'm working on an alien now, remember?"

He raised an eyebrow. "Still? Huh, normally it only takes you a week to realize your ideas are stupid..."

"My ideas are not stupid! And what are you doing here, then?!" I demanded, jabbing a finger at him. "Aren't you supposed to be on assignment with some vampires or something, instead of just sneaking around my neighborhood an acting like a jerk?!"

"Au contraire, my wittle friend," Stu mocked, twirling his little beard (as I ground my teeth, wanting to SCREAM). "I'm here for just that reason."

I raised my eyebrow. "...What do you mean?"

He motioned over to the house nearest to us. I turned---and gaped. The entire front year had about a dozen hovering, human-sized robots floating around, while four more flanked the open front door. (Seriously, how did I miss that?)

"Where did you get an army of robots?!"

"The Network, though I think they actually got them from your dad's company originally. The Senior Agents are willing to dole out resources for important matters, you see."

"Important?! Important like what?!"

Stu made a show of examining his fingernails. "Vampires."

"Vampires?!" I stared at him. "You're kidding me, right?! That's just Old Mr. Dunmyer's house!" I let out a harsh laughing. "And you call me stupid, Stu?! And here you are wasting your time going after some completely normal old ma---"

"AGH!"

Two more robots had come out of the house, dragging my neighbor between them; however once they pulled him off the front porch into the sunlight he fell to the ground, smoking and rolling around in pain.

I stared. "Let me guess," Stu said, smirking. "It's only now occurring to you that never saw him outside before eight at night?"

"...He said he worked the graveyard shift..."

"AGH! It burns! It burns with PAIN!"

Stu snickered, then suddenly jabbed me in the chest; I stumbled backwards several steps. "Well, anyway, my young friend, you really shouldn't be here interfering with real paranormal investigation. So why don't you just run along and go back to chasing your little green friend, hmm?"

That snapped me out of my daze; I spun around, narrowing my eyes. "Hey!" I said, speaking loudly over Mr. Dunmyer's screaming (he was now rolling around crazily on the lawn, as the robots chased after him, looking annoyed), "Zim is a lot more of a threat than some measly little vampire!"

"Uh-huh, sure." Stu turned around, waving me away. "Now, if you'll excuse me---"

"Hey! I'm not done here!" I said, grabbing the shoulder of his trench coat and trying to turn him around. But before I could, I suddenly felt something grab my shoulder.

I turned to see one of Stu's robots glaring down at me, tightening its grip. I gulped.

...And that's how I wound up getting thrown a full city block through the air, crashing into a mailbox somewhere on the middle of Baker Street.

"Ugh!"

I groaned, the mailbox's erect flag digging right into my stomach, puncturing my shirt; I grimaced, the slid off to land on the street again, my head swimming.

"Ugh...stupid Stu," I grumbled, climbing to my feet and dusting myself off (again). "I hate that guy! Seriously, next weekend, me and EARL need to work on sending him into outer space for a few days! I swear, next Eyeball meeting I oughta---"

Just then my watch began to beep. I gasped and stared down at it. "Oh crap, the call!" I screamed, slapping my head. "Agh---!"

I spun around, ran, realized I was going the wrong way, spun back around, and dashed off for home as fast as I could.

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I burst in through the front door, panting. "I'm home!"

"Yaaaay," Gaz drawled sarcastically from the couch, not even looking up from her drawing.

I ignored her tone and ran into the room, glancing down at my watch with a sigh; okay, I made it, I still had about five minutes. I poked my head into the empty kitchen. "Is Dad home?"

"No."

"Is he going to be home anytime soon?"

"I don't think so." She eyed me suspiciously. "Why?"

"No reason. I'm just not going to be home for most of the weekend and I wanted to tell him if he's here."

"Oh." She returned to her drawing; I could see now that it was a collection of very creepy looking piggies to add to her endless collection. She spent a moment drawing the fang-like tusks as I turned to go.

"Wait a second," Gaz said suddenly; I turned. She was giving me that suspicious look again. "How do you know you'll be gone most of the weekend? Are you expecting Zim to capture you this time or something?"

"What? Oh, no. Zim's out of town. I'm going over to a friend's house."

I turned and ran up the stairs, catching a brief glimpse of her raised eyebrow before she shook her head and turned back to her game.

I burst into my room and quickly glanced at the alarm clock by my bed. Okay, good---okay, good, I wasn't late. That gave me time to pack. I grabbed my backpack, dumped out my skoolbooks (if all the other kids could manage to put it off 'til Monday morning there wasn't any reason I couldn't manage) and began to toss in spare clothes, a blanket from my bed and a few books and magazines that I thought EARL would find funny. I glanced at my clock again. 11:58...

When the call came I was just coming out of my bathroom with my toothbrush and a bottle of shampoo. (Zim's house had a running shower. Don't ask me why.) I let out a yelp, threw the two items into my bulging backpack and tossed myself into my computer chair, spinning around to face the viewscreen that was now hovering and beeping in the air. I took a deep breath and turned it on; it stopped beeping and a shadowy figure appeared. I saluted. "Agent Mothman reporting, sir!"

"Good afternoon, Mothman," Agent Darkbooty said, his glowing red eyes staring at me through the screen. "What do you have to report?"

I grinned; I could feel my face flush with excitement. "I did it, sir! I got the alien out of his base for the whole weekend!"

"Really?" His eyebrows were invisible in the silhouette, but I could tell they were raised. "That's fairly impressive, Agent Mothman. How did you manage that?"

"Eh, it was pretty easy," I said, smiling. "Zim's not too bright. Anyway, as long as he's gone the base is completely defenseless. I have full access to all his evil plans and stuff. Isn't that great?!"

"Indeed," Agent Darkbooty again; the tone in his voice made my chest feel like it was going to explode. "And what do you intend to do with this limited opportunity?"

"Huh?" My grin shrank slightly. "Oh. I've got plans."

"What kind of plans?"

"Oh, you know...planny plans." I coughed awkwardly. "You know...break into his base, uh...gather some information and stuff."

Darkbooty stared at me for a moment; his eyebrow was raised again, but this time it made me feel queasy. I squirmed in my chair, feeling my face heat up.

"If I recall correctly" Darkbooty looked away slightly; I had a feeling he was reading something off-screen, maybe a transcript of my last report or something "you reported an intelligence gathering not long ago when the alien was off his premises. You didn't gather sufficient evidence of his activities then?"

"Oh---w-well, I was a little busy..." He eyed me strangely. I coughed again. "But I got loads of information then, remember?! I managed to get you all those pictures, all that information about him---"

"Yes," Darkbooty said vaguely. "The pictures of the alien in his larval form were intriguing...assuming they were real."

I blinked. "They were!" I said hotly. "I wouldn't fake something like that! And look!" I slid my chair back and pointed to the computer screen behind me---the desktop picture was one of the ones EARL had given me, showing a younger-looking Zim getting a wedgie from a taller red-eyed Irken, while a purple-eyed Irken stood by laughing hysterically. "I mean, look at that! You can tell from the quality it's real." I grinned again. "Not to mention hilarious..."

"Be that as it may, we were hoping for something a bit more...substantial this time. You may never get another chance like this to gather so much evidence."

"Eh, don't be so sure. Like I said, Zim's pretty stupid." EARL already had a plan in the works for a fake attack on some planet called Fudcurtia, or something like that, for the next time we wanted him out of our hair.

Darkbooty glared. "He seems to be smart enough to best you a majority of the time," he grumbled.

I jumped up on my chair. "Hey! I---"

"And you should know, I was considering coming with the other Senior Members to observe this alien's base during the course of your investigation."

"---Zim does not best---wait, WHAT?!" All indignation died at once; I stared at Darkbooty's black profile, mouth opened. "You---you guys are coming?! In person?! You want to see Zim's base?!"

"If you think it is advisable."

For a moment I couldn't answer---I couldn't breathe, I could just stare at him wide-eyed and sputter for air. "Y---yes! Yes, of course it's advisable! I totally advise that! You're serious?! You guys want to come and see Zim's house, and all his alien equipment and inventions and---stuff?!"

"Yes. This could be an excellent opportunity, Agent Mothman. If everything you've told us about this alien turns out to be true, this could be our best opportunity to thwart his plans at last and bring an end to his threat...not to mention an unparalleled opportunity to expose extraterrestrial life to the wider public."

"Really?!"

Agent Darkbooty nodded. "Indeed, if this proves as fruitful as you have implied from your last investigation, the Senior Agents and I may even look into promoting your status. Perhaps as high as Full Membership."

"Full---Full---" I sank back into my chair, eyes wide. I suddenly found I couldn't breathe again.

"We will rendezvous with you in two hours' time. Is your headquarters in a secure location?"

"My headquarters?" I broke out of my stupor; what did he mean, the house? I glanced over at my windows, guarded by my dad's best security system and a carefully-placed clove of garlic. "Um, yeah, it's secure! Except from Girly Rangers and door-to-door salesmen, but if we're talking aliens or demons or Santa Claus, yeah, it's totally safe!"

"Alright then. We shall see you soon. Darkbooty out."

The screen went black and sank to the floor. I stared at the empty air in front of me for a moment. Then I leapt onto my bed, punched my fists into the air and let out an almighty cry of joy.

"YES! YES! YES!"

I couldn't help it; I was so happy, I started to jump on my mattress and dance with glee. "The Senior Agents agents are coming to investigate Zim's house! And it's totally defenseless! Zim won't even be there to try to stop me! And they're going to give me Full Membership! I'm not even a teenager and they're gonna make me a Full Member! Take that, Stu! WHOO!"

Something banged loudly from beneath the floorboards. "SHUT UP UP THERE!" Gaz screamed.

I froze, but then cupped my hands over my mouth and began to giggle hysterically. "This is gonna be so great! I gotta---I gotta---" I felt my eyes widen as a realization set in. "I gotta get ready! I gotta---I gotta---I gotta clean the house! Yeah! No, wait, that's for when Grandma visits. I gotta---put up the security system! Get Gaz out of the house! Activate the anti-Santa droids! I gotta---"

I froze (again). "Okay...I gotta calm down," I said, climbing off of the bed and taking my head in my hands. "First thing's first. I gotta---I gotta..." And then it hit me. "I gotta go tell EARL!"

And with that I grabbed my stuff, ran out of my room and took off out of the house.