Sibling's Rivalry

Summary: An Invader Zim one-shot. After breaking his leg, Dib asks for Gaz's help to defeat Zim. Unfortunately, she's currently distracted with a rival of her own. No pairings. A commission by Jazoijua on Deviantart, who owns the OC.

"Ugh! Can't believe I—ugh!—stupid alien—ugh!—stupid cast—"

"Your talking is stupid," Gaz countered apathetically.

Dib only grimaced, hobbling down the sidewalk as best he could with the thick white cast wrapped around his leg. He was trying to get into some sort of rhythm wiith his crutches, but he kept stumbling and falling behind Gaz, who never even bothered looking up from her Game Slave. "I wish Dad could have driven us to skool today," he muttered.

Gaz was too busy fighting through Level 13 to answer. Dib naturally took this as an invitation to continue.

"It's all Zim's fault I have to wear this thing. And you just know that when he sees me like this he's gonna be all—Zimmy about it. You know, like 'mwa-ha-ha, pitiful hyooman bones' or whatever. I mean, how am I supposed to fight him like this?! What do I do the next time he has an evil plan going? If he's still up to any evil plans—that giant cactus did burn off most of his skin, and—"

"Quiet. I just reached the mini-boss," Gaz said, her fingers dancing over the buttons as she battled the Demon Beaver.

"Hey, that's it! You'll help me, won't you, Gaz? Don't worry, you won't have to do much! Just help me watch him for any suspicious behavior, and—agh!"

Dib stumbled at the curb and fell into the gutter, his crutches clattering beside him. Gaz walked on, all thoughts on her game.

"Gaz, could you give me a—hey, Gaz, my cast is stuck in the storm drain! Gaz! Anyone? No, go away, dog, I am not a fire hydrant!"

Mr. Elliott stood at the front of the class, smiling broadly. He was usually smiling. It was kind of annoying.

"Class, I'm pleased to announce that we have a new student joining us today!" he said, and indeed, it sounded like he could barely hold in his excitement. "I'd like you all to give a big, friendly 'hello' to Elizabeth!"

"Hello, Elizabeth," the class droned. Gaz barely even noticed; she was playing her game under her desk, sneering as he fought her way through the last few rooms of Level 13, getting ever closer to the Reaper-Pig's lair.

Mr. Elliott turned to the new student, who looked bored and annoyed. She had a nice-looking uniform with a tie, which contrasted sharply with the dyed-red tips of her purple hair. "Now Elizabeth, would you like to say anything about yourself before we begin today's lesson?"

The girl sighed, brushed Mr. Elliott's hand from her shoulder and stepped forward.

"Well, I'm Liz, and I just moved here from England," she said, with an accent so posh it should have been taken away in customs. "I went to a fancy public school, which is what you all call a 'private school' because Americans don't know how to talk right."

"Really?" Mr. Elliott said with great interest. "And what is your impression of our skool so far?"

"Well...your sign outside needs to be spell-checked."

Gaz was barely conscious of the proceedings. She gritted her teeth and swung her sword at an approaching legion of Hell-Moose. Almost there...

"Well, I'm sure you're going to be very happy here!" Mr. Elliott gushed. "Let's see...why don't you take a seat beside Gaz there?"

"Yes, sir."

Liz took the empty desk as Mr. Elliott turned to write something on the board. She looked around at her neighbors, pausing at the purple-haired girl with the look of fierce concentration on her face. She held out her hand.

"Well, as you probably just heard, my name is Liz. May I ask yours?"

"No." Gaz's eyes narrowed at the screen—she was finally entering the Reaper-Pig's lair, flying past the dialogue until it opened its wings and began to attack—

"Hey. You've got a Game Slave under your desk."

"So?"

A cross expression came over Liz's face. She raised her hand just as Mr. Elliott was turning around, clapping his hands together and beaming brightly.

"Now kids, I want you all to open your books to page 124 so we can take turns reading—oh, Liz. Do you have a question?"

"Mr. Elliott, Gaz is playing a video game in class."

The rest of the students, who had largely been looking bored and drooling on their desktops, suddenly looked up, startled—not so much by the news as by the fact that somebody had said it. Several students held their breaths as Mr. Elliott strode forward with a small frown on his face. Gaz's eyes were still on her game, her virtual arm swinging her sword against the enemy's scythe.

"Gaz, is that a video game?"

Gaz finally looked up, one eye opening wide. "Yes?"

"I'm sorry, but you're not allowed to play that in class. It's time to learn now."

He reached out and suddenly took it from Gaz's hands—her eyes widened, her mouth dropping open in shock.

"But my ga—"

Mr. Elliott flipped the game off; it was a tiny sound, but in Gaz's ears it resounded like the sky shattering to pieces to at the dying moment of the universe. She watched in horror as the screen went dead, her beautiful battle fading into nonexistence. Then Mr. Elliott calmly turned and deposited the precious device into his desk drawer.

"You can have it back at the end of the day," he said, turning back to face the class. "Now, onto page 124—"

Gaz's head snapped around to give Liz a Look—the lights suddenly flickered, the air seemed to grow colder and several of Liz's neighbors were slowly edging their desks away.

The new girl, however, simply glared back, then rolled her eyes and turned to watch Mr. Elliott's lesson.

"And that, class, is the horrible truth about where babies come from. Any questions?"

The students of Ms. Bitters' class were momentarily distracted from their unfathomable despair as the door slammed open. Dib limped in, struggling with his crutches and dragging his injured leg behind him. He was panting, and his clothes were dirty and disheveled.

"Dib! You're late again!"

"Sorry...had to...fight off some dogs."

Zim snickered as Dib hobbled past his desk. Dib glared. "How's your skin?" he sneered under his breath.

Zim's grin turned into a scowl. "Better than your leg, hyuman."

"Quiet, both of you!" Ms. Bitters snapped, as Dib awkwardly took his seat and put his crutches down on the floor. "Now, for your homework assignment, I want each of you to write an essay on how the miracle of life shows us the ultimate futility of human existence. In no less than three thousand words, you should be able to tell me..."

Dib found it easy to tune Ms. Bitters out. He spent another minute adjusting his broken leg, then turned to glare at Zim from across the room. The little monster was hunched down over his desk, scribbling on some paper. Dib's eyes narrowed.

Zim poked his head up and met Dib's gaze. His eyes narrowed, then he hunched back over his paper, using his arm to shield it from view.

It had been two hours fifty-four minutes and twenty-nine seconds since Gaz had lost her Game Slave and she was about to kill murder stab maim DOOM!

"...and so if Juan's camel travels at 300 miles per hour, how long will it take to get back to the circus?" Mr. Elliott paused. "Does anyone want to guess the answer?"

"I will rip off your head and throw it screaming into the darkest depths of the eternal nightmares!" Gaz screeched.

"Um...no. Elizabeth?" he said, as the new girl sat calmly with her hand in the air.

"Four hours?"

"Very good!" he said, flashing his cheery grin. "You're doing well very for your first day!"

Liz shrugged, still looking bored. Gaz let out a growl and was about to murder all of everything in the universe when the bell rang. "Alright, lunch time! Off you kids go for a nutritious meal!" Mr. Elliott called, which was pretty irrelevant since half the class was already clustering around the door.

Liz casually got up and followed, carrying her books with her at a leisurely pace. Gaz watched her go, then rose and stalked after her.

Zim was one of the last to leave Ms. Bitters' class, heading to the lunchroom with his skoolbooks under his arm. Dib had watched him place his paper in one of those books, and he was determined to see what it said. It was the only possible clue to whatever maniacal scheme Zim was planning.

Dib tried to follow him stealthily, but this proved difficult with the CLACK-CLACK-CLACK that his crutches made on the linoleum floor. Finally he just gave up and stormed up to Zim, hobbling as best he could to keep up.

Dib jumped ahead of Zim just as he was about to step into the cafeteria, holding out one crutch to block the door. This succeeded in looking cool and dramatic, but unfortunately also caused Dib to put all of his weight on his broken leg.

"YEEEOOOW! I mean—freeze, alien!" Dib hissed, his eye twitching in pain. "I have you surrounded!"

Zim blinked, turning his gaze around slowly. "No, you don't..."

"What? Oh. Um—okay. But I, uh—Gaz!" he said suddenly, spotting his sister approaching Zim from behind. "Quick, grab his book! It's the key to his latest—agh!"

Gaz had stomped past Zim without even looking at him, then pushed Dib out of her way. He cried out in pain as his crutches clattered on the floor.

"But Gaz!" Dib said, pulling himself up and reaching out toward her helplessly. "You have to help me! Zim's plan—"

She turned around to face him, her eyes burning with flames that could have frightened a demon. "I don't have time for your paranormal stupid, Dib! I have Liz to deal with."

"Who?!"

"The new girl!"

She had already stormed into the cafeteria, searching for her prey. Zim watched her go, then turned back to Dib just as he was able to pull himself up again.

"New girl? This skool has added yet another filthy maggot to its already bursting disgustingness?"

"Huh? Yeah, I guess," Dib muttered, testing his weight on his crutches. "Though with my luck it's probably another alien."

"Another alien?!" For a moment Zim's eyes widened, but then he scoffed, crossing his arms disdainfully. "Impossible. Just because I managed to infiltrate the skool with such brilliant idea, doesn't mean anyone else would be smart enough to engineer such a plan."

"I was being sarcastic, Zim."

"Oh. Well...so was I!"

Dib shook his head and turned away, hobbling into the cafeteria. "Though for the record, Tak had the same 'brilliant idea.'"

"Only because she stole it from me!"

Liz was just sitting down with her...well, calling it "food" would be charitable, but anyway, she was just sitting down when the whole table gave a sudden, angry quake. Liz looked up and saw why—that weird girl had stormed up and slammed her hands on the tabletop. She looked like she was going spare, to say the least.

"You made me lose my game."

Liz scowled. "Well, you shouldn't have been playing it in class," she accused.

"That was MY game! It took me all morning to get through that level! And now I won't get it back until after skool!"

Liz just stared at her. "So?"

Gaz's eyes opened wide, then narrowed dangerously. Usually when she was mad at someone, like Dib or whoever, the other person would be only too willing to make things up to her rather than risk total annihilation. Liz, however, was clearly not sane enough to take that option. Gaz was trying to look through her rage to figure out what she should do. Unfortunately, there was a lot of rage, so most of her ideas went along the lines of "murder her" or "murder her harder." She opted for the latter.

She leaned toward her foe, digging her fingers into the tabletop and actually scratching the surface with her fingernails. "I am going to make you pay."

Liz rose to her feet, leaning over her food to meet Gaz's gaze. "Then bring it," she spat.

Dib was sitting at his usual table, with his leg held out on the bench, glaring at Zim from across the room.

The alien was ignoring his food, having opened his Math book and gone back to furiously scribbling on his paper.

"What kind of evil plan could be so distracting?" Dib muttered, ignoring his own food and the noise it was making. "And how am I going to steal it? I can't exactly sneak up on him when I can barely walk."

It was at that very moment that on the other side of the lunchroom, Gaz leaped across the table and pushed Liz backwards, slamming her into another child and accidentally pushing his face down into his food.

Immediately the girl across from that child screamed "FOOD FIGHT!" and threw a glob of mashed potatoes at another child's head.

Zim was sitting hunched over his paper when a glob of beans collided with the back of his head.

"AAAGGGHHH!"

He fell out of his seat, his poor Zim-flesh sizzling, and looked up to see hyuman stink-food flying through the air above him. His eyes widened as he scurried under the table, trying to deduce what sort of attack the enemies had deployed this time.

And that's when his one real enemy decided to make his move.

Unfortunately, he was still on crutches, so he was making that move rather slowly.

"Now, while Zim's distracted! I just need to—AGH!—get that paper and—EW!—foil his—HEY!"

A meatball hit him with enough force to send him tumbling to the ground for the third time that day.

In the middle of the battle, two girls were engaged in their own private war.

"Get off of me! Agh!"

Liz managed to dislodge Gaz and then tackled her, only for Gaz to punch at her face and hit the shoulder instead. Someone splashed milk at her from behind, and when she turned around to glare Liz came forward again, knocking her against another table.

Gaz didn't like this. She wasn't used to meeting someone who was actually a match for her. But she sure as hell wasn't going to back down from this fight.

She let out a strangled scream and launched herself at Liz, concentrating on one punch that could doom her enemy into a pit of endless suffering the likes of which no mortal could ever imagine. (Or which, at the very least, could have sent Dib slamming into a wall.)

Time seemed to slow as she came forward, her fist about to collide with the other girl's face.

Then Mr. Elliott grabbed her wrist, stopping it a few inches from hitting Liz. He looked between the two girls in amazement.

"Gaz! Liz! What is going on here?!"

Mr. Elliott may have been Mr. Elliott, but he was still a teacher and most of the student body was stupid enough to respect that. As soon as he raised his voice, the food fight suddenly stopped.

Zim was huddling in fear under the table when he noticed the sudden quiet. He blinked, then slowly crawled out from his hiding place, looking around.

Just in time to see Dib snatch away the paper that he had been furiously writing.

"HEY!"

All thoughts of danger were forgotten as Zim leaped forward, only for Dib to swing a crutch right into his stomach. He groaned and fell to his knees as the human grinned.

"HA-HA, ZIM! Victory is mine, for once! And now I know all about your plan to, uh..." He consulted the purloined paper, his face falling in confusion. "'Multiply negative integers by their inverse in order to'...is this math homework?"

"Ugh! Of course it is! Do you think I had time to finish it yesterday, with you breaking into my base to be all—breaky and everything?! Now give that back!" he snapped, snatching it from Dib's grasp. "I'm not letting you steal my answers, pitiful worm!"

"But—"

Dib was interrupted from his usual despair by the sound of his sister's howling.

"No! It's all her fault! I will destroy her!"

"She started it! She's crazy!"

"Now, girls, it takes two to fight. Come along."

"NOOOO!"

Gaz and Liz were dragged away by Mr. Elliott, swatting at each other and screaming out threats. Everyone in the cafeteria watched them go, including Dib, who tilted his head to one side and caused spaghetti noodles to fall from his hair.

"Man, what's with those two?"

"Typical hyuman insanity," said Zim, shaking his head.

"I know! It's weird, how sometimes you can hate someone so much that they let you act crazy like that."

"Hmm." Zim looked thoughtful for a moment. "Dib-monkey?"

"Yeah?"

Zim suddenly kicked one of Dib's crutches. He let out a cry as he was suddenly thrown off-balance and fell to the floor, his head landing in a puddle of expired mayonnaise.

"VICTORY IS MINE!" Zim cried, then grabbed his Math book and hurried out of the room.